I'm modifying the terms so it's not total plagiarism, but the blogger cited above DID first come up with the metaphor. ALL CREDIT FOR THE ORIGINAL IDEA GOES TO THE LINK ABOVE. The only thing that I'm changing is that I will be talking in terms of coffee, but tea DOES make an appearance.
So sexual consent is like coffee. Say you're with someone and you say, "hey, do you want coffee?"
The other person could have a number of different responses to this question.
They could say, "OH MY GOD YES I NEED COFFEE. COFFEE IS GREAT. PLEASE MAKE ME SOME COFFEE."
Obviously, this person wants coffee. You should definitely make some coffee. DO THE THING.
They could say, "ummmmm maybe? Is it decaf? I can only drink decaf. If you have decaf, I'd love some coffee." In this case, you can make them decaf, and enjoy a pleasant span of time with the other person and the non-headache-y levels of caffeine.
If they ask for decaf, you can make a cup with full caffeine. HOWEVER, if you DO make them a cup with full caffeine, do not be offended if they hesitate to drink it, or if they only drink half. Do not force them to drink it. Do not open their mouth and pour it down their throat. You are making them uncomfortable. You are forcing a hot beverage down their throat, and also you will give them a massive headache later. They DEFINITELY told you that they could ONLY HANDLE DECAF. They did not want full caffeine.
If they take three sips of the full caffeine coffee, it's NOT safe to say, "Well, you had three sips and didn't get a headache, why can't you have the rest of the mug, too?" Maybe they're starting to get a headache already. Maybe suddenly they just really don't feel like the rest of their coffee. Maybe they just don't like the amount of milk you put in, and are just sipping at it to be polite. Don't push it. Again, don't pour it down their throat. You will only make the situation worse.
If someone says, "No coffee for me, thanks," then don't make them coffee. Or do make them coffee, but see above about not pouring it down their throat if they don't want it. They definitely just told you that they didn't want coffee. Maybe get them water instead. Maybe ask if they want cheese instead.
If they say, "No coffee, thanks, but if you have tea, I would love some tea," then you can either make them some tea, or you could make them coffee and then NOT GET OFFENDED ABOUT THE COFFEE WHEN THEY DEFINITELY ASKED FOR TEA. If you are morally opposed to tea-drinkers, that's something you should reflect on before inviting over tea-drinkers. Do not try to tell the person that they haven't had the right coffee blend yet. Espresso is not going to make a coffee-drinker out of a tea fanatic. A fantastic Peruvian blend of coffee is not going to immediately convert a tea-drinker. If they come to coffee in their own time, it's not because they were never really a tea-drinker; they probably will still love a good herbal blend. Maybe they just realized that they could appreciate both coffee and tea, and also sometimes Red Bull.
If someone is unconscious when you ask them about coffee, see above about not pouring it down their throat. That will make the situation worse, because they cannot swallow the coffee and may be prone to choking. If someone is unconscious, call an ambulance. Their safety is more important than you making them a cup of coffee.
If they say, "Sure, coffee sounds good," and then pass out in your living room while you're still boiling the water, then put the coffee DOWN. Would you rather have a healthy friend or a well-used cup of coffee?
If you have coffee with someone on a Sunday afternoon, you could then invite them the next Sunday afternoon for some more coffee. You should NOT force the coffee down their throat on Sunday night because they didn't want to have coffee with you. Either find a different friend to have coffee with, or don't have coffee, or just have coffee for one, or maybe try water.
Having coffee is definitely better if you have someone to have it with, but it's definitely worse if you drag the person over and force hot coffee down their throat. Again, that's rude, and you should NOT put that much effort into a simple cup of coffee.
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