The Impending End Of Summer (and college)

My last move-in day is fast approaching. In a week, I'll be at school again. I've never moved in at the 'normal upperclassman time' - I've always moved in around the same time as the freshmen, so I can help them get their things into their dorm. People did it for me, once, and now it's time to return the favor, three times over.

It's weird - this time three years ago, I was scared about what was on the horizon. I have similar feelings now, but for different reasons.

Then, as now, I was worried about what the future held. Would I like college? Would it be awful? Would it be amazing?

Now, I worry about what I'm going to do after college. Grad school? Work? If so, what job? What grad school? What program in school?

It's not like choosing is going to affect my future or anything. I was raised by an economist. I know about opportunity costs.

The fact of the matter is, I've always been the kind of person who dislikes the process of change. Often, once change has come I like the results. It seems I don't like being the instigator of change in my own life. I didn't break up with someone when I could. I didn't try for jobs when I could have. I can't stand putting myself forward for jobs. If I don't get over that, of course, I have to work retail the rest of my life. Nothing against retail, of course, but 10 hours a week doesn't pay anybody's bills, and doesn't help my goals.

Not that I have any goals.

So as I go into the last weeks before my last first day, I have a lot of thinking to do. About myself. About my future. About my writing. About a lot of things.